Deciding A Fate Momoir Project

A time where I had to choose in what I believed in was when I went to Church. When I was little I went to Church every Saturday and Sunday. This made me very Christian. However, what really changed and disturbed my mind was the fact that my parents weren’t Christian. I didn’t know why but my parents were Buddhist and they want their sons to be Christians. If you really think about it, it is very strange. When I was in Church we would pray before we eat but when I am having dinner with my family I didn’t. Going to Church was great but in my mind I couldn’t decide whether I was a Buddhist or a Christian. This all happened when I was a child, about five years ago. I went to Church until I was around eight.

Now in those three years going to Church impacted me a lot. I know definitely that I was a Christian at that time. But the reason for me quitting Church was because I had moved to Alameda. Going to Church on Sundays and Saturday was nearly impossible. So I quit for about 4 years or so until I got to 7^th grade. I started going again because it wasn’t really Church but it was. It was a youth group. I went on Friday nights. I saw the same people there when I was little. Not going to Church really changes you. The way I thought was completely different from others. Their personalities were much calmer and I really that. So then I went to the youth group for about a year, everyday on Friday nights. Occasionally there were parties and all those good stuff.

After those two years, I quit again when I got into High School. I stopped going because of all the school work. It really makes me wonder if I am still a Christian and what would have happened if I had stayed in Church my whole life. It also makes me wonder why I went to Church in the first place. My parents aren’t Christians. I really think that if I had stayed I would have become much different from what I am now. I probably would not have sworn all the time. I would have become less violent. On top of that I would know what belief I really am. Lately I have been stuck between in Christianity and Buddhism. They all mean the same thing. Like respect and honoring people. I really think I am Christian but I haven’t absorbed enough to be a full Christian.

I only believe in Christianity so far until the point where I start contradicting myself. What is real religion? Things like theory and evolution just makes me stand in the middle. I can’t decide on anything. For an example, I have an Asian family and my parents believe in praying the sky and all the gods. In fact when they pray to their god so do I. Chinese New Year is coming up and a lot of ritual should be preformed. I don’t know the real meaning but I still do it. This is same for all religion. You do some type of ritual whether it is praying or giving blessing. You can always ask why? Why must we do a certain thing? Why must we follow what other people are doing?

Another thing that really bothers me is when people say they are a full type of a religion when deep down inside they might not know anything about it. I know for sure that I am not Christian and Buddhist. So what am I? I think that people like me should actually think twice and reconsider what you believe in and what you don’t. Also reconsider what you use to believe in and what you don’t. Reconsider what you are force to believe in. And most importantly reconsider what you really are.